I have written before about the time I tried to drive over the guardrail on the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, which, here in Florida, is a popular place for suicides. In 2004 or 2005- can't remember exactly when things happened back then - I took my mom's car, hearing voices telling me to die, and drove the top of the bridge at top speed and veered right into the guardrail, thinking I could ride over top of it and drown. Obviously this was not effective, but I was also very lucky to not be seriously hurt. The car was totaled. Witnesses said it had rolled three times.
My mom and my brother both called the emergency room I was in after the accident. They told the staff not to believe what I said about it being an "accident", and that it was definitely a suicide attempt. The staff didn't listen. I got sent home that night wearing some men's clothes and shoes somebody found for me to put on, in a cab, delusional as ever, and clearly psychotic. I did not get the help I needed. The hospital had sent me on my merry way because I had told them "I lost control of the car, and I have no health inurance". Both of these statements were lies, but I thought that psych hospitals were akin to concentration camps where I would be gang raped and I was scared to death of being sent to one again. So I lied. And they believed me.
I want to say something to people who think that suicide is the answer. Read that article about the Golden Gate Bridge. Read about the people who survived and how much they regretted it.
There were also people who helped me try to kill myself when I was suicidal. I found an internet group which was pro-suicide. Sort of like these pro-euthanasia people who don't care whether you're terminally ill or just depressed, but help you die anyway. These people I met online told me what kind of gun to buy, and what kind of bullets to make certain that I would die.
I wish I could contact them now that it is eight years later and I am FUCKING GLAD TO BE ALIVE. I'd like to offer this advice to anyone who wants to help other people die. Try helping find cures for mental illness instead. Try creating awareness and fighting stigma instead. Try driving people to the hospital or the mental health center or their psychiatrist appointments instead of killing them. Try that.