I've been having a lot of dark thoughts. Thoughts of buying a gun and shooting myself in the head like I almost did in 2005. But I'm not going to do anything like that. I realized, when I went back to school yesterday, that I can do this. I can manage this life. I will do it with some help. I ran into the woman who is my advisor in a program for students with low incomes whose parents didn't get university degrees. She was standing right next to the man who works in the office for students with disabilities. Both of them have been helpful to me, so it was neat to see them, coincidentally, standing by a table where students were being given "welcome back" pizza and hot dogs. The man from the disabilities office said, "Jennifer, you look great!" He helped me do my medical withdrawal when I was in the hospital this past spring. It was nice to be able to say, "I'm doing better".
There is a lot of harassment happening to me at my job. I know that these bitches I have to misfortune to work with have read this blog. I know that they enjoy talking about me in whispers because they are the most shallow, pathetic human beings I've ever known. They are trying to push me out of my job, but that's not going to work because I've put the past five years of my life into this job, and I am not going to go homeless or lose my car so that some stuck-up, high school level bitchiness can ruin my life. As is the case when people are treated with inequality and everything is done in a manner that promotes inequality and serves to help favoritism, they are allowed to treat other people like shit by the management. They have no souls. They think they are so much better than everybody else that they should be worshipped. It's disgusting. They are not even intelligent people. These women are imbeciles. It's very lame and annoying. And I don't care that they read this.
Whisper about me some more, you little fucking nothings. You don't matter to me at all.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you readers the good news about school. I had to file several appeals to get financial aid to go back and it was only with a letter from my doctor about having been in the hospital that they approved my appeal at the university.