I haven't written much in a while because I've been pretty down in the deep doldrums of desperate despair. (Is despair always desperate?) But I'm back now! I've got a handy, dandy new purple computer! I love it. I hadn't ever, in my entire life, purchased a computer before. I had always had them given to me by people who were discarding them, or I had used the computers at the libraries or the colleges I went to or the colleges nearby. I had most of my computers that this blog was written on because they were outdated and no longer wanted at my dad's business, so he would let me have them.
BUT I BOUGHT THIS COMPUTER! My new baby. It's not a boy. It's not a girl. It's a purple window to the earth.
I bought it. Myself. With my own money. And I freakin' love it!
It wasn't cheap, but it was a lot cheaper than most laptops are. I got it on sale, and I used money that had been given to me for Christmas plus some saved. I think it was a wise investment.
I will write my book on this computer. And it will be a good book.
As for other things, I haven't been accomplishing a whole hell of a lot. I've been basically trying to keep my head above water, and avoid having to be hospitalized. Today I went to work looking just plain AWFUL. I hadn't showered in - eh - who knows - and I hadn't washed my hair or even put on make up. I just went to work looking like crap. I thought to myself, "something is wrong with me to be doing this." I had realized once I got there that my blouse was stained from the fact that I wore it the day before and spilled something on it. It was not my day today.
I'm back in school, and it's going to be a challenge, but I think it will be good for me, because I had three weeks off school and two weeks off work, and I accomplished basically nothing in all that time. I didn't write, I didn't clean, I didn't bake cookies. I didn't do much. And that is sad. I spent an inordinate amount of time lying on the floor or in my bed or somewhere, curled up in a ball. And I watched some movies. Les Miserable, and Cirque du Soleil were good, I thought, though Cirque is really weird, of course (thank you, Captain Obvious). My family drama is still going on as usual, and stresses me out. I feel lonely a lot but incapable of doing much about it. I don't really want to be around others more than necessary.
I miss my New Zealander all the time. It's a very bittersweet thing to feel like you're really attached to someone on the other side of the earth, especially if you've got no idea how you will ever be able to meet them in person without going into serious debt further than you already have gone. So it's kind of hard. I am grateful to have in my life though. He is sweet, and smart, and wonderfully funny, and makes me laugh. And he's really, really cute. And he votes for the Green Party. What more could I want? Perhaps living in the same continent would be nice, but you can't have everything.
The wonderful world of Skype allows us to chat, and I find that really nice and uplifting when I get to talk to him.
On New Year's Eve, I went out with my friend Kathy to a place that was a little boring. It was a nightclub for people in recovery from drugs and alcohol. I'm not in recovery, but I don't drink, and neither does she, and neither does her other friend who was going, so she wanted to go there. I made a fool out of myself trying to dance, but it was nice to get all dressed up (and cleaned up), and look decent for a change. I haven't been making a habit out of that much lately.
So, it's a new year now, which brings me to you bloggers. What would you like to read about more here? Any requests? I am an open book, pretty much. Any topics of interest to you? I would love to make the blog more accommodating for you so you might return.
Okay well, that is all for now. Oh, but my new computer, the background on Windows has a purple flower with a bee on it - get it? Daisybee. It was meant for me to buy it.