Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow

I have always loved Theodore Roethke's poetry, and especially this one. I feel very tired, which is probably a combination of not taking my sleeping pills for days and being stressed out by symptoms.

The auditory stuff is annoying. I hear things in what people are really saying, that they aren't really saying, every day. But it is nothing new. I'm just rather tired of it.

I think I need a distraction.

Something, I don't know.

I'm getting way behind in my classes, because of the inability to study and read.

I just lie down and stare at the walls. I'll talk on the phone, or go on the computer, but I won't really watch TV or anything. I'll put the TV on in the living room just to keep me company, and listen to it from my bedroom without watching it, because I can't handle too much of it. The stimulation or something is too much to deal with. I can't focus on it to actually watch a show.

My friend came over last week and helped me clean. She is a good friend. I took her out to dinner, but I felt like I should do more for her for her helping me clean. It was awfully nice of her. My other friend is  going to do it as a job, because she cleans people's homes for a living now, and I am hiring her so I can have some regular help. I just can't manage it by myself.

Anyway.......

There is this guy who has been wanting to be my boyfriend sort of.......but he lives in another part of the state, and anyway we haven't met. Any guy that meets me in person is destined to think I'm too overweight.

Yesterday 103 people told me Happy Birthday on Facebook. That was nice. I don't tell them about my blog.



"The Waking"




I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.

I learn by going where I have to go.



We think by feeling. What is there to know?

I hear my being dance from ear to ear.

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.





Of those so close beside me, which are you?

God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,

And learn by going where I have to go.



Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?

The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.



Great Nature has another thing to do

To you and me, so take the lively air,

And, lovely, learn by going where to go.



This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.

What falls away is always. And is near.

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

I learn by going where I have to go.





1 comment:

catherine said...

happy birthday!

personally, there are plenty of guys who like bigger women. i am dating a guy who tells me i'm beautiful, every day, even in my state of "advanced plumpitude" (haha - i'm a size 20/22).

if he's a good guy he will think you are gorgeous (as you are) at any weight.

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