Saturday, December 01, 2012

doing ten million things at once

I'm really tired, but there are things on my mind, and I know I need to write, so I am just going to write about what went on this week. Let's see, in the past week I got broken up with by my so-called boyfriend, or was that earlier? I don't remember. I mean he was my boyfriend to me, but not really to him, apparently, evidently, even though he was the one who asked me if he could call me his girlfriend. It's all so mature sounding, isn't it? And anyway, so I got broken up with, and I cried, and I groveled, and I lacked sleep for days because my brain was a wreck. And then I hallucinated and heard voices again, which was great, but during this time, also,
-on Monday, I went to work and worked 5 hours, and in the morning before work I met with my case manager/recovery specialist

-on Tuesday I went to work, worked 4 hours, and then went to school, for a few hours, and class, and showed a video of myself and my group partner speaking Spanish, and interviewing my boss who is from Panama in Spanish, and then I did something, something, but I don't remember what, studied or something,, I definitely didn't study....I don't know what I did

-On Wednesday, I went to work, and then left early, then went to the mental health agency that owns my apartment building and spoke on a panel before an audience of about 20 staff members about being a client with a mental illness and how they can help us (the other panel members were NAMI friends), and then I met with my NAMI cohorts at the community college I used to go to where we're going to be running the peer recovery group for students next semester that we've been trying to get going, and we had a meeting, but no one showed up so we strategized, and then we went out to eat

-on Thursday, I went to school, my group had to present a legal case but I had done research to avoid being one of the people presenting the case in front of the judges (who were actual attorneys), and we were all nervous and I got in an argument with one of the girls because she slacked off and didn't contribute in the group project at all and the rest of us will be graded on her lack of efforts, and that ticks me off, but I shouldn't have done that, I mean, argued with her on emails, because that wasn't nice, and so I went to that class, and then I went to my other class, and then I went to the community mental health center, and I got my Prozac (FINALLY RESOLVED) and I got my injection (WITHOUT A HASSLE EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A DAY EARLY) and I talked to my case manager (who I adore), and then I went to the Client Advisory Board meeting upstairs.

-On Friday I worked, and then I went to a meeting at the college where I used to be a student and where I am now an employee, and I spoke with someone from the disabilities services office there and the executive director of our NAMI affiliate about the NAMI on Campus group we're trying to start and how we're going to get the word out about it and get people involved and interest them in it without scaring them away and how wouldn't it be great if I could go and talk to them in person myself because obviously I have a tremendous amount of t ime on my hands so, of course, I volunteered to do that.....and then because my cell phone which was about 10 years old, had completely broken IN HALF the night before (an old flip phone), and I had no phone I went in search of a phone (which is hard to do without a phone), and I got a used phone from my stepmother/dad's wife, and I got it turned on and then I went and typed up the report I needed to turn in for the meeting on Saturday of the Florida National Organization for Women where I'm on the board of directors

-On Saturday (today), I woke up at 3:30 AM because I set the alarm clock wrong and thought it was actually 5:30 when really it was 3:30, and I got all ready to go and then realized I had two more hours I could sleep so I set the alarm again and went back to bed, and got up again at 5:30 and drove to Land O'Lakes, which is a town far away, and met up with some other NOW feminists and rode the rest of the way to Orlando for the meeting with them in one of their cars. And then I spent the entire day at the meeting, and afterwards, my sister, who was acting odd because she has untreated mental illness herself and who never really wants to ever spend time with me but suddenly did wanted to go shopping, I went shopping with her, so then I came home and watched a recorded episode of Grey's Anatomy and browsed Facebook....

-And in the middle of all this I've emailed and texted, and actually called the New Zealander a whole bunch of times, but we can't seem to work out any time with the 18 hour time difference when we can chat online because I can't stay up till 1:30 AM most of the time since, at some point, I try to sleep.

So that is what I have been doing.

I must say for a person who others may view as an overweight, lazy, underachieving slacker, I do keep pretty busy. My case manager at the mental health center is always telling people there, "This is Jennifer, and she is the busiest woman I know." That's how she introduces me to people. She has known me for almost eight years. She knows a lot about me. A lot, a lot, a lot. So for all the people who might, for whatever dump people's reasons assume that I'm just a lazy, overweight, underachieving slacker, there is also someone like her, and I need those people in my life so I truly value them.

Oh and I didn't even talk to you about picking up my brother, which I also did on Friday, picked up my brother who has a backpack with some clothes, and dropped him off at a dumpy motel he wanted to go to because he wants to throw his life away, and because he has no hope. And I just dropped him off there and I did not give him money because if I did he would spend it on alcohol, and I can't afford to give him money anyway. I just dropped him off and left him there. Alone. To wait for his enabling girlfriend to arrive. So that is another stressor in my life. My brother is drinking himself to death once again, didn't take long for that to start back up.

And I also didn't mention that, in this time, my mom called me 30090 times to tell me what a horrible person I am because she is sick with some stomach illness and it is everybody else's fault and she wants me, as usual, to fix all her problems, and one night we went out to dinner - she and my sister and me (I guess it was Monday night), and she said to me some weird thing about remembering how abusive she was when I was a child, and I said, as usual, "yeah, you say this every so often, just forget it, it doesn't matter anymore, what do you really want me to say anyway?" And it was all the usual awkwardness with my emotionally abusive, passive aggressive mother lately, with her hanging up on me on the phone every day and then bitching about how I don't talk to her enough, and all the usual nonsense because she is SO INCREDIBLY BORDERLINE AND UNDIAGNOSED.

And there is that.

And that about sums up how my week has been.

Next week is my final exam for Spanish, and the week after that is my final for my law class. The day after tomorrow my grandfather comes down from Maryland for his first visit to Florida in 15 years. And then next weekend I go to the NAMI Florida conference they're sending me to for free, and then I come back early to see my grandfather, and then school will soon be over and hopefully I'll get A's and not B's but more likely I'll get one A and one B and that won't be too great, but it will have to be enough and in between all of those I hope to talk to my New Zealand friend again, even though he has decided to be nothing but my friend, because I am lonely.

I'm tired now so I guess that will wrap up this little post.


  1. wow you are so busy. good luck on the exams. i liked everything in this post except staying in touch with the new zealand guy. he is not treating you very well (esp by saying you are the one who mistook him for being a boyfriend, when he asked...)... so why spend anymore energy on him? you definitely deserve nicer people in your life. xox c.

  2. You may be overweight Jen, which is no crime, especially considering the many drugs you take, but you are certainly NOT an underachieving slacker! You continue to amaze me. You're already speaking Spanish, will probably get very good grades and you continue to do great advocacy work. I might add that your response to being just friends with the man from New Zealand shows quite a bit of maturity even though it hurts a lot. And thanks for taking the time to send me an email amidst everything!


I welcome comments from all readers and encourage you to leave them! Please do. However, due to spam, I review each comment before it can be posted, so it may take 24-48 hours before your comment appears on the blog. Please be patient. I post comments that are not spam.Note: my definition of "spam" includes ALL links to sites claiming to cure or provide "the solution" for incurable diseases such as Schizoaffective Disorder and Schizophrenia. Vulnerable people come to my blog, and I will not let them be preyed upon, but people who post snake oil remedies on the internets. Take your garbage and peddle it elsewhere. Since Blogger doesn't weed all that garbage out, I've been doing it myself for years.