Sunday, October 14, 2012

The fall

So I figured something out with this handy, dandy little blog here. I looked at this week last year, and what I wrote. And I also remembered it all. I was exactly where I am now at this time last year, brainwise. All the same symptoms. The same time line too. It started around May and it got to psychosis by August, and then it got to the deep, dark, depths, of suicidal despair and nothingness and feeling trapped in concrete and "negative" symptoms like total apathy and avolition by, you guessed it, October.

If you are bored, just go to the lower right hand corner of the page, click on 2011 and then click in October, under the blog archives and you will see what I am talking about. And you know what else happened that I remember last fall? I missed my RISPERDAL INJECTIONS twice. This time I missed it for two weeks. Last year I missed it for one week two times. I got the EXACT same result. Thinking I was headed for the hospital. But the interesting thing is that before that, before the October despair, I had five months of getting way worse.

This year was actually worse than last year, because this year, I was psychotic in May, and I have been that way ever since. So this is not an improvement. Which leads me to believe that Latuda may not be effective for me, except that if you asked me last December or January if Latuda was effective, I would have told you, It's Wonderful, and I'm so much better now than I was in October.

Cycles. I think I need a mood stabilizer, and I think I need some Risperdal pills, and I am going to see my psychiatrist Monday morning and tell her this, and I am going to ask if I can have like some kind of extra booster shot of Risperdal because, after all, it is not my fault the medical asistant told me I didn't need the shot and made me miss it for two weeks. They can't read a chart, that is not my problem. I don't have the chart. If I had it, I can guarantee you this would not have ever gotten as bad as it has. Of course, I could be wrong.

Anyway, the upshot of all this is that I'll be doing better in a month or two if all goes well.

So that is good.

Thank you, blog.

Just get me through October.

1 comment:

In the Pink said...

Oh I am so happy you are going to your psych Monday! I hope it helps. Your research on your blog was smart because it is a useful tool to seeing our trends. Good luck girl!

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