Wednesday, October 17, 2012

My blog.

When I started this blog I wrote under the name "A Beautiful Mind" because I thought somehow that I was connected to that movie, though I did not know really that I had a disease. I called the blog Suicidal Yet Sane. It was at http://suicidalyetsane.blogspot.com.

Today, I write under Jen Daisybee. Obviously, my last name is not "Daisybee". My real last name is not on this blog. Try to find it, and show me where it is. I have been wrong before, but I don't think I am brain damaged. My last name was never here, with the brief exception for my email address having been on one page of this 446 page blog which has my last name in it. That has now been removed.

So what I have been told is that whoever knows me can find my blog by my name. This is not true. I have tried it myself, and I could not find myself. Using, "Jen Daisybee" you can find me. And using, "suicidal no more" you can find this blog really fast. But you can't really find this blog with my first and last name.

Therefore, if you do find this blog with my first and last name, please let me know, because if that is the case, I am obviously incorrect.

This blog is the only place where I have friends who I can really relate to who really know the real me, and the only place where I can truly be myself any time. So, no, I'm not going to delete just because nosy people have found it. They probably found it because I made the mistake of emailing some people the link to an article written about my blog, which also, I will state for the record, never contained my last name. I'm saying this because I just got off the phone with somebody trying to tell me this blog has my last name on it, and "Anybody can find you on there", and that is not the case. Anybody who knows me who has been told I have a blog can find me on here. That doesn't really include the whole entire planet earth.

But the main reason, really, why I'm not deleting the blog is this. Yesterday, someone in a Facebook support group I'm in was posting the link to this blog to tell me "you should read this! I've been reading this blog for a year and I love it!" She didn't know I wrote it. So that is the thing. After all, it has been online seven years. I am not going to just delete it because some nosy people have found it and have used it against me, perhaps. I'm just going to have to not mention certain things anymore. That's too bad. I don't like to have to be censored on a place that DOES NOT HAVE MY LAST NAME ON IT.

But so be it.

So I will not talk about my landlord because, frankly, I have enough problems with them already. So there is no point in making it worse by letting them read me writing about them. What is really amusing to me is that when I went on the internet and wrote that I was going to kill myself years ago, no one cared. But when I have a blog called Suicidal No More, where I write about treatment and recovery, I am told that I should delete it. Whatevs, peeps.

My name is searchable one way. Through one post about something you can get to another person's blog where you can find my last name. I did just remember that. Oh well. So if you are really desperate to find my last name, have fun digging around. I don't really care right now. It's not like I am Jill Stein and I'm going to try to run for President of the United States. It's not like I could ever work in the mental health field where I live anyway, because the only job I could actually get would be as a peer specialist paying less than what I make at the dead-end job I already have had for four years answering phones. So let's be real. What difference does it really make if I have a blog? It actually gives me a reason to go on, having this blog, sometimes. I can't say that much for anything else in my life other than my cats. So should I delete the one place I have where I am comfortable, and where other people tell me they find hope from stuff I say? I don't think so.

Maybe in the future, but not today.

6 comments:

Shannon said...

Please don't delete! I want you here too...I need others somewhere who can relate to me!♥

FrankandMary said...

I'm sorry all of this is happening. I know you will make it through. ~Mary

Kate Blank said...

You are an excellent writer, please continue blogging.

lots of love, Kate

Kate Blank said...

You are an excellent writer, please keep blogging, I appreciate your struggles and can relate totally.

lots of love,
Kate

K.C. Jones said...

I am so glad that you are going to continue writing!

In the Pink said...

This whole shebang is nuts. You have every right to blog and if someone is trying to corner you then FU@$ them! I love and adore your blog and read it often though not always commenting. You know how that goes. Anyhow, I am glad you are standing up for yourself!

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