Things aren't going too well.
I don't feel comfortable writing about it here.
Thanks to being exposed at my workplace as having a mental illness, I don't know if I'll ever feel too comfortable writing here again.
It's not exactly a great situation.
I'm not even entirely sure who to thank for it.
One thing I know is, I cannot afford to leave my job or lose my job at the moment.
I'm still proving the facts of my existence pain-stakingly on a daily freakin' basis to Social Security.
If I could just work full time and not need Social Security, life would certainly be easier. But then, how exactly would I do that when I've never been able to manage it so far?? And how on earth would I ever get all my many medications that allow me to work in the first place?? It's not like I can pay for any of them or even co-pays that would come with private insurance.
My life feels like a total nightmare right now.
That's not all I have to say, but that's all I'm comfortable saying here now.
Thanks, people who caused this situation.
I refuse to delete this blog.
I'm frankly really fucking sick of hearing people telling me to die every day, and I'm also really sick of people really treating me like I am beneath them in real life. I'm sick of this whole disability shitfest that has become my life. I'm sick of medications, and I'm sick of justifying THE FACT THAT I NEED THEM to the people who are nothing be schmucks for a goverment agency that provides me with enough money to buy cat food and put gas in my car every month. I'm sick of looking over my shoulder, not because I'm merely paranoid, but because IN ADDITION to being paranoid, I have people breathing down my neck and someone at my workplace questioning my mental stability.
I'm sick of my apartment, my neighbors with their bed bugs and cigarette butts, my mess, my brother who left a candle burning and the door unlocked for days when I was 1,000 miles away and trusting him to take care of my cats because he's an alcoholic who doesn't give a shit about me, my whole screwed up family, my screwed up "friend" who really is just annoying, and I'm sick of myself, and I'm sick of going to physical therapy and mental health counseling as if IT EVEN MATTERS AT ALL ANYWAY.
I'm sick of being sick and even more sick that I still am sick.
I'm sick of my whole life.
And thanks to a couple people, I no longer feel safe talking here in my one safe spot in the world were I could ever talk about anything that really mattered for the past seven years.