Tuesday, May 01, 2012

OCD and Me

Here are my results for the OCD Screening Test by Wayne Goodman, M.D. at the University of Florida:

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Screening

You scored a total of 18

Based upon your responses to this screening measure, you are most likely suffering from an obsessive-compulsive disorder. You can view symptoms and treatment options for this disorder. This is not a diagnosis, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek a professional diagnosis from a trained mental health professional in your community immediately.

S C O R E S If you scored...


12 & up OCD is likely

8 - 11 OCD is probable

0 - 7 OCD is unlikely

This is not meant as a diagnosis tool

The below is used as a tool to evaluate the severity of a person's symptoms after they have already been diagnosed with OCD:

On the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Rating Scale the ratings go as follows:

8-15 Mild
16-23 Moderate
24-31 Severe
32-40 Extreme

I scored an 18 according to my own evaluation of my problem. Not quite sure it's accurate because I might be understimating this since I don't really know what it's like to NOT have OCD symptoms, as I have had them pretty much for as long as I can remember. So it's possible if I could compare it to life totally without these problems than I would have given myself a 25 or 35 or something. Just based on my own opinion about it "moderate" seems to be underestimating it to me, but also probably accurate if you compare it to people who are washing their hands 500 times a day and reopening doors 60 times every time they open a door because the doorknob just doesn't feel right. Still, I think I have a lot more OCD symptoms than an average person without OCD would ever understand. I don't even talk about it to hardly anyone. Honestly, most of it is too shameful to discuss. I didn't even tell my old therapist about it for years! I only told my psychiatrist who's been my doctor for a year about it just a couple months ago. And I don't talk to anybody else about it. Even on this blog which has existed since 2005, I think there are maybe three posts about it. That's because it's embarrassing to me, and it's also because I'm so used to it that I don't even notice it as a problem half the time.

I used to sit on the couch in the living room in my house when I was a little kid (I clearly remember this like it was yesterday) and try to hold my breath while I counted to 1,000. This began my lifelong habit (I think I was about eight when it began) of counting. I ALWAYS COUNT. I count to 50 forwards and from 50 down backwards. I count to 100 forwards and 100 backwards. I count to 20 and tell myself, "when I get to 20 I have to get out of bed". I have done this forever. This is not a normal thing to do.

The more distressing thoughts are sick in nature, and about digusting things like fecal matter (usually making me gag or sometimes even vomit when the thoughts get bad), and horrible words about other people, and the fear that I have an urge compelling me to do something weird and bad, like kiss people when it would be totally inappropriate to do so. I have had all these problems for years. I don't even know how many years. From the time I was 14 till the time I was about 25 I had Anorexia Nervosa and was obsessed with food, fat grams, and calories, and, of course, my weight, even though I was underweight. I remember my first psychiatrist telling me "OCD is a cousin of Anorexia, and you have Anorexia as well as symptoms of OCD".

I remember when I started getting the obsessive (and later utterly delusional), paranoid thoughts that I might have been sexually abused, this first psychiatrist didn't think it had really happened and pretty much told me so to my face. Unfortunately nobody else ever did that because when I went to see them they simply took everything I said at face value, much to the detriment of myself and my entire family that ostracized me for years for false accusations of molestation. I will never forgive those horrid mental health professionals for telling me I probably had Dissociative Identity Disorder. The ruined my life for years! My dad didn't talk to me for SIX YEARS because of it. My grandfather DIED probably still hating my guts. It was horrible. It tore me up for years. It also totally confused me because I believed I had DID and totally did not know I was psychotic. Horrible. If I could sue some of those therapists, I would haul there asses into court right now, but I can't afford a lawyer with which to do that. I can only write on my blog that I don't believe most people diagnosed with DID/MPD actually have it, based on my own experiences as a person who thought she had it and who knew lots of other people who thought they had it.

Anyway, so I knew from a blog post I wrote when I was on Prozac a couple years ago that it helped with my obsessive thoughts, and so that is why I asked my psychiatrist to put me back on it a couple months ago, which he did. I had to go off Wellbutrin and I was a little worried about that, but it turned out to not be a problem. As you may know if you read this blog at all, I got a little hyper when the dose went up to 60 mgs, and several of you commented that I seemed hypomanic. But the best thing about being on 60 mgs was that the OCD totally went away! I mean it was GONE. I was so relieved about that! (Not to mention that being extremely productive was quite enjoyable too). But then, of course, my doctor had to decrease the dose back to 40 mgs. And the damn OCD came back.
So today, I went back to see my doctor and negotiated my way into a very slightly (a few milligrams higher than 40, but not 60 mgs), dosage of the Prozac to try to get the OCD away again. Lovely thing is, the doctor agreed to do it. I had to agree that I would stay on my annoying Risperdal Consta injections which have made me gain 100 pounds for at least a couple more months in order for this compromise, but that is okay. I shall see how it goes. The recommended dosage of Prozac for OCD is actually 60 mgs, but I apparently can't take that dose without getting super hyper, so that's too bad. I can see how this goes. I was quite pleased with "Dr. No Fun" for working with me on this. I really don't want to have obsessions for the rest of my life.
So I did these little quizzes today in order to evaluate my symptoms today, while I'm still having them, and then I'll come back and do a comparison evaluation in a month or so, and see how much I've improved.


  1. "I count to 20 and tell myself, "when I get to 20 I have to get out of bed". I have done this forever. This is not a normal thing to do."

    It may not be typical but it also is not rare. The counting technique you are using sounds more like a way coping with situations that make your anxiety levels rise. In fact I think that OCD is an anxiety based disorder.

    Do you take anything for your anxiety? If not you should talk to your psych about this. I used to count as a form of distracting myself from the outside world so I can kind of associate with what you mean.

    Anyhow, thank you so much for your comment about filling out the paper work for the disability evaluation.

  2. Every time I read one of your posts I feel like I am less alone...not the only one. Thank the Universe and the heavens for you Jen Daisybee. I'm glad old Dr No Fun negotiated with you on the Prozac. Hope we see a reduction in OCD for you.

  3. Thank you In the Pink: if you ever need any help with your evaluation, just ask. I have been through that rigamarole numerous times. It helps to be really thorough.

    Thank you, Lil! I love your blog! I feel less alone when I read it too. You are so helpful leaving the comments you leave here, and I really treasure them.


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