Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Good grades, despite difficulities (this semester is over!)

Well, after all my bemoaning about my difficulties with school this semester, and all the trouble that I had with concentration which I thought was going to require me to withdraw from classes.........I am finally finished! So far, on everything that's been graded in both classes, I got an A, which most likely means my final grades will be A's. That's not something I'm trying to brag about, but I am really happy about it! Grades are not the most important thing in the world, particularly not when you're in your 30's finishing school, and you've already been through a lot of things in life that are more difficult than getting good grades. But grades do count for something. I put in a lot of time and effort, studying and writing papers, and trying to contribute to classroom discussions. And I talked candidly to my professor, who taught both my classes, about my illness, which was not really an easy thing to do, but was necessary to do. I'm glad I did that now. If it wasn't for her letting me put off two tests for a few days, I would probably have withdrawn from at least one class.

Also, if it wasn't for Latuda, I don't think I could have pulled this off at all. I was having some pretty serious problems a month ago that I am completely not having now. I'm not having any auditory hallucinations, at all right now! That is great. I'm not having delusional thoughts. I'm not paranoid. I'm not thinking people are talking about me, or that people are talking about a Holocaust happening, or anything else that might indicate psychosis was in the midst. I'm able to read more now too. I was able to study for my final two tests, and read much more of the textbooks than I had been able to read for a couple of the other tests. So I'm glad about that. Two months ago, I could really not read. I was totally stuck, sitting in libraries, staring straight ahead, thinking and not capable of concentrating or focusing at all in order to read. Being able to read is a big deal to me; it means things have improved. I can definitely measure how well I'm doing at any given time based on whether or not I can read a textbook. Many times, I have been unable to do so. Other times, I can do so. It is always a good thing when I can do so.

So despite the holidays, and family stress, which is always there and particularly increased around the holidays, overall I am doing alright. My apartment is a major mess, which is not a good thing, and I am very disorganized. I need to clean my apartment, clean my car, wrap Christmas presents, and decorate for Christmas, all very soon. Physically, I haven't been doing so great so I haven't had any energy to keep up with things. I have the suspicion that a doctor who told me in 2004 that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis, was actually correct, even though my current doctor has repeatedly stated that he was wrong. I have a lot of pain in my joints, and a lot of major fatigue, that would indicate something is wrong besides Fibromyalgia and Sjogren's Syndrome. So I'm going to my rheumatologist tomorrow to talk to her about that. In all probability this means I am going to have to take yet another freakin' medication, and I'm not sure how long my liver is going to continue functioning with this onslaught of pills it's been dealing with for twenty years. But, whatever.. For right now, my liver works. That's good. And even if I do have Rheumatoid Arthritis, I don't have any deformed joints that I know of, so it is probably not nearly as bad as it could be. It's also possible I don't even have it, so perhaps I'll be lucky and this pain that's been going on for weeks will somehow disappear on its own (doubtful).

But besides all that, things are going pretty well. I can't really complain. I got through school, and that was the big deal for me, getting through this semester. That was the major feat hanging over my head, and I probably would be completely depressed and demoralized if I had not finished these two classes. So, I'm really glad I finished them, and glad I managed to do well. I am so happy to have one hurdle down and one semester at a university finally completed after being really nervous about not being able to get it done. The community colleges were definitely a little "easier" than the university is, but I expected that going into this. I just got thrown for a loop when I started having psychotic symptoms early in the semester, and that made things difficult to manage. I'm really glad that this Latuda seems to be working pretty well for me. Hopefully, it will keep working, and I'll finally be able to get off the Risperdal Consta injections I've been getting every two weeks for several years. I really want to get off that medication, so that I can have an easier time losing weight and avoid getting diabetes.

I also just wanted to say thanks, to everybody reading this blog who leaves comments, because your support and encouragement truly does help me a great deal, and I probably would have a much more difficult time getting by without that. You are all important people to me, and I appreciate your advice and kind words a lot. So, thank you.

4 comments:

FrankandMary said...

Ah, all the lovely imprints of your positive actions on your life now. I think sometimes "we" need to do some inner disarmament(when that is possible).

The life we live is never the life we plan, but you are taking so many steps in so many positive directions that the good is coming on strong( & hopefully lots more of it).
~Mary

jenji said...

Hiya.

Regarding your last post and the holiday discomfort. Dr. Deb has a great blog and her latest has to do with the holidays. I don't know if you're familiar with her, but if not, I highly recommend checking her out. Here's a link to her latest post:

http://drdeborahserani.blogspot.com/2011/12/tips-for-keeping-you-in-yuletide.html

best,
jenji

Rachel said...

Congratulations!!!!!!!!! :D Good grades sure do feel good, especially when you're dealing with stuff while trying to get through school.

Fifty-ONe-Fifty said...

I'm trying to study in college while experiencing auditory hallucinations, not easy.

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