Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Screwed over by SSDI yet again

***Warning: This post contains excessive cursing and unapologetic complaining. If you have a problem with that, do not read it.***

I am ticked off. For the third or fourth time in the past year, literally, I just got a letter from Social Security about how they're cutting back my benefits. Again. I have been through this rigmarole so many times, and wasted so many freakin hours of my life stressing over this problem, and sitting in the goddamn waiting room of that goddamn Social Security office, and sitting on the phone for hours and hours with those poorly trained, ignorant people who work for Social Security and never answer the same question the same way twice, and crying, and fretting, and begging my case manager for help...........THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

This agency expects me to live on $404.00 for this month. HOW EXACTLY DOES ONE DO THAT???!!!!

My rent is $500 a month. That doesn't include electricity, cable, car insurance, food, clothes, gas, and HUNDREDS of dollars in medical bills every month. I'm such a welfare queen. I am really living it up here. I'm just partying all the time. People assume that if you are collecting disability and you don't LOOK disabled to them, you are just living off of the government. Well, I'd like these people to try living my life for a few months, and see exactly how enjoyable that is.

When you bypass your pride, when you decide to bite the bullet, when you have absolutely no resources left and absolutely no choice, and you MUST get on disability, you do so because you have no other option left. If I could WORK full time, I would surely be doing so, because, I may not be a neuroscientist, but I have enough job skills to make a bit more than $404 a month! If I didn't NEED disability benefits, I sure as hell WOULD NOT WANT THEM.

Goddamn these people. What is wrong with this idiotic government system that doesn't bother to do anything when certain corporations do fraudulent activities that send the entire US economy into a tailspin, but they have plenty of time to figure out that Jennifer in Clearwater, Florida has earned slightly above the minimum wage at 20 hours per week of work, so she should no longer be receiving this other money that she simply uses to, well, SURVIVE.

I'm not trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me. To the contrary, I can't stand people feeling sorry for me, which is exactly why I HATE dealing with this government bullshit, that requires me to go and plead my case to people who DO NOT KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT PSYCHIATRY and have NO CLUE what it is like to live inside my body every day, yet they think they can determine what I need or do not need to survive. I HATE THIS CRAP MORE THAN I CAN EXPLAIN.

I am so sick of this bullshit, that if I could leave this country and get free healthcare, which will likely never be possible in the United States, somewhere else, anywhere else on this planet, and financially survive somehow, I'd go there! I'd go right now. Just tell me where the boat is, and I'm on it.
This freakin' crap is just ridiculous. I am writing this only because, I know it's not something most people discuss. I know I don't like the entire planet to know that I need help from the government because I hear voices and hallucinate and don't know what reality is much of the time, and can't concentrate to read well enough or learn well enough to get through college or work full-time. I know I don't like discussing the details of my bank account with others. But for GOD'S SAKE somebody needs to talk about this nonsense, and if I don't, then, who will? I might as well just lay it all out there, because SOMETHING has to be done about this system. It needs to change now. Right now. And healthcare needs to be provided to all Americans without expensive deductibles and co-pays and premiums. Healthcare needs to be free, because healthcare is a human right and not a luxury item that should only be afforded to the wealthy and healthy folks of the world. And healthcare, or rather, the lack thereof, is exactly why I am in this situation in the first place, so it is an issue I care about quite a bit. I think it's an issue MOST AMERICANS care about quite a bit, and we're all getting screwed over by the well-funded insurance industry lobbyist assholes who don't care if we live or die.

People need to just say the truth about their situations. We don't get anywhere by pretending it's all rosy, when we're barely able to survive. Why the hell do people on disability not deserve an income that will ALLOW THEM TO LIVE?? WHY?? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW.

Geez.....I am going to scream into a pillow.


  1. For what it's worth Jen, I respect you and sympathize with you. You have every right to be ticked off. It's almost as if you are being penalized for having the endurance to work part time, despite your illnesses. If anything, you should be rewarded for your efforts. I think it's been proven that stress is a key culprit in making psychotic symptoms worse. This is why most people with severe mental illnesses do not work. It has nothing to do with being morally inferior, i.e. lazy. The social services system seems to still buy into the stigma that surrounds mental illnesses. To be mentally ill is still seen as a personal failing and not as a physical defect that leads to distortions in thoughts and feelings. And most people have no clue as to what it's like to survive living hell, not for months at a time, but for years at a time. That alone deserves some kind of recompense. I know I wouldn't wish severe psychosis on my worst enemy. And so many of us DO NOT SURVIVE. I know I think it's a miracle that I survived and that is why I have such respect for you and other survivors of mental illness.

  2. Hey Jen! I am right with you on this one! We just got started in all this and I know we have a rough road ahead with SS. Still on second appeal and next step lawyer. It is very very very frustrating and I know there is more frustration ahead. Hang in there and don't give up. I hope your caseworker can help. TTYL. Janet

  3. I just found your blog today and have to say, I'm right there with you on this post. I'm trying to go back to college this year so that maybe someday I can get off the SSDI benefits and the gov't assistance, but who knows if that will work. I've managed to make a niche for myself training dogs in my local area but that barely pays the bills most months.

    Last year they tried to cut my money that goes towards my medications and no one seemed to get the whole mental illness, other disabiling illnesses, meds kind of are helping me to function and without me functioning I can't even work part time to try to pay the bills, etc. Going through the round about at medicare/medicade trying to find someone to help was torturous. finally they sent me to a state run group that was able to help me, but that was only after hours of phone calls to various places.

    it's a huge pain every time something like this happens. as if you don't have enough to worry about.

    look forward to reading more on your blog.


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