From psychosis to sanity: this is a post about hope

This is for Janet's son, Amber's brother and any other family members or friends you may have who are suffering from psychosis and do not currently have enough insight to know that their delusions are not real.

I was looking for something and came across an old post I wrote here from 2005. That was when I created this blog. When I started writing here, I believed that I did not have any mental illness. I believed that I was pregnant, with a dead baby because I was a "breeder" for the Illuminati/New World Order/ Nazis who ran the world. I believed (and I promise I'm getting to the point soon) that there were concentration camps all over the US and people were going to be sent to them, including me. I believed I was Jesus sometimes and Anne Frank other times. I had constant auditory hallucinations where I heard people saying two or three things at the same time which they were not really saying. I saw signs and cues everywhere. I thought I had to kill myself and was planning on shooting myself in the head, and almost did.

I was totally, absolutely delusional. I did not know that, however.

So if you read this post, please see the line that says how I wish I were insane and I wish antipsychotic drugs like the ones I had been given in hospitals could work for me. I didn't think they could work because I didn't think any of this was an illness. I had no insight into my illness.

Now, four years later, I have little psychosis these days and have definitely gotten better to a large extent, because of antipsychotic medication. I just wanted to tell you this in case any of you need hope.