Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Social Security nightmare

So, since I need disability benefits to survive, as I cannot work full-time, it is my frequent fear that these benefits will, for some reason, be taken away. And this is what is now happening to me.

I received a ridiculous letter last week, which sent me spiraling into a state of suicidal despair. The letter said that, among other ridiculous things, I've supposedly been able to work since September, 2006. And so, the disability benefits I got since then were monies I should have never received. Also, the letter stated that I am perfectly able to work now and in the future, and that my benefits may be retroactively taken away from me.

During some the months that this letter claims I was WORKING, I was, in some cases, locked up in a hospital 24/7, or I was unemployed, sick, and living in a homeless shelter or a motel room, or a group home, or an Assisted Living Facility. There is actual proof that I could not have had a job during these time periods. There is no proof that I did have one. The IRS, obviously, knows if I've been working. So, the funny thing is, that Social Security claims that it was the IRS who told them I WAS working during these months.

These months span across the years 2004-2009. Apparently it takes a few years for the government to figure out that they have some reasons to accuse you of stealing from the government, so they are now telling me I worked too much in 2004. Anybody read this blog from the beginning? It started in 2004, I think. It started when I was flagrantly psychotic and unmedicated.

In 2004-2005, I was hospitalized numerous times (I don't remember how many times), was living in homeless shelters, motel rooms, my mom's house, and assisted living facility, and a crappy excuse for an apartment or two. I worked for a week or two at a pretzel shop in a mall, where I thought what I was doing every day was BAKING DEAD BABIES out of human flesh, for humans to eat. I thought the NAZI "Illuminati" had taken over the world. Social Security claims I was working for months. Um, no. The reason I worked there at all was to keep myself from being sent to a concentration camp.

I also worked, for a week or so, at a 7-11 convenience store/gas station, because I thought that WORKING would keep me from being sent to a concentration camp. I was quickly fired for being physically and mentally unable to do the job duties.

So, supposedly I was raking in big bucs during these weeks, which have been turned into months by the government screw-up that is currently ruining my life.

Also, I worked for a couple of weeks at Nielsen Media, again, while psychotic and unmedicated, before I got hauled away by the police for having a gun in the trunk of my car with which I planned to shoot myself. The government is now claiming I worked throughout that year, when hospital records prove I was IN A HOSPITAL for half of that year.

No problem, you might think. As I have proof (in the form of W-2s from the companies I did work for), that I was not working for all these months, it should be no problem. But Social Security doesn't have to be nice. They don't have to listen to me. I have no legal authority to make them fix their own mistakes. I have no idea how they ever got all the facts this messed up in the first place. I do not know if I can make them listen to me.

My therapist wrote a letter to tell the agency that they need to take into consideration my currently lousy state of mental health at the present time and expedite this nightmare, but they don't have to listen to her either.

They can, and likely will, cancel my benefits retroactively (unfair though it would be), and then worry about fixing their screw up some years down the line when I have a lawyer who will help me. I would have no way of paying my rent during those years, but they don't have to care about that.

They are also trying to claim that when I really did work, in 2006, I made too much money, though, according to what they told me at the time, I had no reason to believe this was the case, and I never worked more than 20 hours per week during most of that time. If someone can live on a 20-hour-a-week salary doing a clerical job, I would love to hear how they do it, but according to Social Security's own definition of disabled, being able to work 20 hours per week DOES NOT MEAN I am not disabled. Again, I am using logic here, and since this agency doesn't believe in logic, nothing I say matters much.

I probably have no choice but to try to get legal help, since the situation is about survival and I do not want to have to lose my ability to pay my rent, lose the insurance that pays for my medications, go off medications, become homeless again, and then reapply to get disability benefits again. Great. Sorry if I do not sound exactly optimistic here, but, really, I am not feeling like there is going to be a positive outcome to this situation. I now understand again why I used to think the S.S. was the name for Social Security as well as the Nazi party military regime of WWII.


  1. I am so sorry this is happening, it is very stressful. I wish you the best with legal support to clear this matter up.


  2. Jen, I, too, am sorry this is happening to you. Gather up your proof and get your doctors to back you up and, if need be, get legal help, but DO NOT give up hope that this can be worked out. Sometimes it is the belief that you will pull through that makes all the difference. No doubt, this is a royal pain in the ass, but you do have your record to back you. Where there's a will, there's a way. Hang in there.


    P.S. I sent my package to you yesterday. I hope it gets to you soon and cheers you up!


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