Wednesday, January 28, 2009

random facts about me....

I have six or seven lipsticks in my purse right now. I wear lipstick every day.

I am a radical feminist, by definition, except when it comes to certain aspects of life where my theories and beliefs do not influence my actions. I used to get up at 5 AM every day to make my boyfriend's coffee and pack his lunch before he got up for work.

I weigh twice as much right now as I weighed for most of my life before, and this makes me deeply, deeply despise myself.

I haven't dated anyone or even considered the thought since my boyfriend and I broke up a year ago.

I never drink - most of the time, but it was my birthday yesterday and I had a strawberry daiquiri at a restaurant where my family went for dinner. I like the taste better when it's a virgin daiquiri than the way it tastes with alcohol.

I adore my cat. I have scratches all over me from the many times she's tried to play with me lately. I buy her toys and treats and treat her like a princess. She also considers herself to be a princess and she writes emails declaring her love for herself (well, I write them for her, because it amuses me), and sends them to my friends and family.

I miss my friend K. H. a lot.

I don't miss my ex-boyfriend most of the time anymore, but once in a while I still do, usually if I go to a place that reminds me of a time when I went there with him. I am glad he is not in my life anymore.

I listen to the same songs over and over forever until I get sick of them, and for years the only music I liked was Ani Difranco's. But it's not anymore.

I've read a lot of poetry and nonfiction, but not a lot of novels, because I don't like novels.

I got kicked off the set of the TV show, "Romper Room", when I was three years old, because Miss Sally didn't like my refusal to ride those dumb cardboard fire trucks when I wanted to play with the bouncing balls instead. I was an anarchist in training.

I have a ten year old little brother who I didn't meet until he was about five years old because my dad and I didn't speak for six years.

I still regret my problems with my dad which were created by my own mind and mental illness.

All my grandparents are still alive, but they all have health problems and are getting to the point that they may not be alive much longer.

I have never been to a wake or a funeral in my entire life.

I have to use eye drops every half hour or so at work to be able to read because Sjogren's Syndrome dries out my eyes and makes my vision so blurry I can't read. I have had punctal plugs put in my eyes many times in the past ten years, to treat the dry eye problem.

I love Diet Coke and consume more of it on a daily basis than anybody else you know, and I am aware that this is probably not a healthy thing to do, but it's my only vice.

I have never smoked pot, and not even because I have something against it. I just never hung out with anyone who did, and never sought it out or cared much about it.

I like to be in control of myself, so I don't drink hardly ever. There are a lot of alcoholics in my gene pool. I'm also Irish.

I got a perfect score on the verbal section of the SAT, but I didn't take it until I was 22 years old and a professor encouraged me to do so.

I still talk to that professor many years later because he's a kind person and gives useful advice.

I love daisies, and I used to think fake flowers were tacky, but now I like them, and buy them, especially if they are daisies.

I go to bed now before 10 PM on most nights, but back before I was on medication, I was a nightowl who stayed up until morning hours most nights.

I like helping people.

I was a vegetarian from age 15 till age 31, when I started eating meat again for reasons I still don't really know how to explain. I will probably be a vegetarian again very soon, for ethical reasons as well as health ones.

I don't think I know everything. One of my sisters thinks that I do think I do.

I don't like coffee, but I love my morning dose of Diet Coke!

I have an affinity I can't really explain with people who are Jewish. When I'm psychotic, many of the things I see and hear are related to concentration camps and anti-semitism in the world which I perceive - and, although these perceptions result from psychosis, I am pretty sure there is an underlying reason for them most of the time, that has to do with things not in the scope of this post.

Yesterday was my birthday! I am now older than Jesus was when he was killed, and grateful that I no longer hold the delusional belief that I am him.

I miss my friends Sara and Ali and Christa. We used to call our group of friends a "garden". My nickname in the garden was "Daisybee".

I am still friends with Lauren from the garden. She will be a Wildflowyr to me forever.

I don't like drunk people, and I don't really understand why so many people I know have addictions to alcohol or drugs or both.

I was anorexic for a lot of years, and it almost killed me, but in the end, I came out of it as a stronger person - however cheesy that may sound.

I cut myself with razor blades and knives for years. I stopped doing that a very long time ago, but sometimes I start thinking about it again.

The most common thing I hear from voices is "Die!". I never hear positive, encouraging, or cheery words from the voices I perceive.

I am afraid of roller coasters and motorcycles, but I'll ride roller coasters any way.

I am disgusted by gross stuff and hate bathroom humor so much just typing these words is making me gag.

I sometimes think I'm an alien. Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.

I have a dry sense of humor and an appreciation of sarcastic wit, such as that of Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker, Jonathan Swift and the writers of The Onion.

2 comments:

Valash said...

This was an awesome post!

I have never tried nor wanted to try drugs...My delusions lead me to believe I was Jesus, too...I have never been a vegetarian...I hope you develop a better relationship with your father.

Ashley

andrew said...

Found this so interesting. Partly because many of the things that you mention I can identify with.
Your post made me think about how important it is to understand ourselves. Just wanted to let you know that I will be following your posts.
I have started a blog detailing my walk with depression. I would be interested in your views. All the best.

www.strayblackdog.co.uk.

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