Tuesday, November 25, 2008

psychotic symptoms still lingering

I just wanted to write a brief update. It has to be brief for several reasons -
1. I can only get online at work right now, as my home computer died on me (BUT - the replacement my brother is giving me will be there tomorrow).
2. I cannot write much right now because my brain is feeling stressed.
3. I'm practically blind because my dry eye problem is really bad at the moment, so I can't see what I'm typing.

So, that said, I wanted to let you know that while I have made improvements such as cleaning and decorating my apartment out of the slums and into the light, and getting to work on time every day, I still am having some problems with psychosis.

I've been having the problems with voices for a few weeks, and it's annoying. I had gotten rid of them for a while before this recent restart of the voices. I mostly hear them as "doublespeak" and codes, not actual phantom voices that come from nowhere. That is the good news, because when I'm hearing phantom voices from nowhere I'm usually completely out of it. And, additional good news is that I have insight into this problem and am very aware that it is happening, which allows me to fight it off. In regards to combatting the voices, I finally joined the modern world and bought an Mp3 player, and I love it! I used to use a regular CD walkman to drown out voices, and the music has always been helpful. Having a little Mp3 player will allow me to access far more music than I could afford to buy and will help me when I am not at work, and am not feeling too well, to drown it out. I highly recommend using music if you hear voices, because - unless you are hearing codes and messages in the music itself - it works like a charm.

There was a time when I heard codes in every song I listened to - which were all songs by the same singer, who was the only one I listened to - but I do not have that problem now.

I have not been able to deal with my college classes at all in some time. I had to drop out of the math course, because I could not focus on it at all, and I asked for an incomplete grade in the other course I'm taking, although, at this time I think I should have dropped that one as well. I am just barely able to manage my life right now, and I had to let everything not a requirement go by the wayside, because I can't get my brain to operate well enough to encompass those other things like college classes right now.

In other news, I would like to let you know that an excerpt from this blog will be appearing in a book that will be published next year. The book is a compilation of essays on juvenile crime, edited by Jill Hamilton and published by the Gale/Cengage group. I will let you know more information about this when it becomes available to me.

OK, that is all for now. I will write more when I have the ability to see again. I used to have plugs in my tear ducts which helped with my dry eye problem that is caused by Sjogren's and made worse by my Seroquel, but the plugs either are no longer there (they are very tiny, almost invisible), or they are no longer working. I am hoping to have this corrected at the eye doctor's office tomorrow so I can read again!

1 comment:

  1. Hopefully your computer problems will be solved when the other one arrives. I am sorry to hear you are still having problems with the voices. The good news is that you realize they are illusions. You have come a long way over the past several years. I know that your limitations are frustrating but at this point you are functioning in the world with some success. Everything is relative in our lives but this Thanksgiving you really do have a lot to be thankful for, as do we all. Look at your glass as half full, not half empty. See you on Facebook and have a good week there!

    Take care,


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