Monday, February 25, 2008

Not Being Able to Concentrate

This is absolutely the worst problem I still have from this damn disorder. I can't concentrate to do my schoolwork. I have a terribly frustrating time, every time I sit down to learn some Algebra. I literally cannot do it anymore. It is like my brain gets turned off, with a switch, and I don't know how to turn it back on.

Sometimes when I try to read a book - about anything - I have the same experience. I have to read the page 20 times before the words sink into my brain.

This is a really bad problem to have when you're trying to earn a college degree. At the rate I'm going with my math, I'll never get my degree. I got really far behind by going into the hospital a few weeks ago, and I haven't manage to catch up since then. I have a tutor, through the office for students with disabilities, but she can't teach me this much in 45 minutes a week, it's just not possible. I sit down to try to teach myself, and it's hopeless.

The problem is exacerbated by my lack of sleep. When you are up all night, your brain doesn't have any refresher, and it's hard to retain information after such a night.

So tomorrow, I have a test, and, based on how I'm doing on the practice test, it looks like I am going to fail it. This is very distressing.

I wonder if other people with Schizophrenia have this much trouble concentrating. I've heard that it is a common problem, but I always thought if I stayed on medication, the problem would go away. Such was not the case. I got better in most other senses, but this problem never got any better than it was when I was the most sick. I don't know how I managed to get through the past year and a half at school, actually. I just skim through everything that has to be read.


  1. I have been reading your diary for the last 2 weeks and find it very inspiring. My nephew was diagnosed with bipolar three years ago, but is now diagnosed with schizophrenia. Your strength to write honestly about what you have and are now going through in your life shows real courage. Not many of us would be able to put our thoughts and feelings out there like you do. I really feel for your daily struggles and how you navigate through your life. I wanted you to know that even though I do not know you personally, I am really proud of your ability to keep trying to move forward in life. One step at a time, even with all the obstacles in your way. I'm sorry that you cannot concentrate on your schoolwork that has to be very difficult. School was always very difficult for me also but I was not dealing with schizophrenia.
    I know this will sound very polyanna but keep trying and I know you will succeed. Never forget that we all feel lonely. My small cure for loneliness, is doing small acts of kindness. I think in life its the small simple things that matter most. Thank you for your courage and inspiration. You have really helped me tounderstand some of the things that my nephew is going through.

  2. You haven't been sleeping for quite a while now, of course you can't concentrate. When do you see your doctor again? I went through periods where I wouldn't sleep a lot either, but that was when I wasn't taking the meds. After I started taking the meds the problem was that I would sleep too much. The connection between lack of sleep and psychosis is strong. I'm amazed at your endurance. Do not blame yourself in any way if you're not doing well in school right now.

    A good way to relax is to listen to audio books. That helped me when I was very depressed and couldn't read or watch tv. Go to the library and take out a bunch of them. You might find that it can help you to sleep a bit till you see your doctor.


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