Monday, May 16, 2005

no peace

the only time i have peace is when i am asleep or trying to sleep, i feel safer then.....but never truly safe and i rarely sleep, i am so horribly anxious right now and terrified and i don't know what to do, there is no solution, maybe not even death is a solution really
everything is just set up now that there is no other way out, and i don't know what to do......it's a horrible thing to do to people, but they won't really care in the end if it's for the best, i'm sure, but i'm afraid, i'm afraid, i'm afraid all the time....
i'm afraid to be at home and i'm afraid to be anywhere else, but also mostly at home, i'm always afraid to be here, i hate living alone and i hate always knowing every single second of every single day that there are 290 things i ought to be doing that i'm not doing, so i don't know what to do....
i need to get away from here, but ultimately i know there is no point in that either

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