for the record, regarding sexual abuse

For a long time i thought that i had been sexually abused by my grandfather and also by my father. I've written this online, and about the grandfather, I did also write that in an article that was subsequently published in a national journal of feminist news.

I don't think any of this happened now. I was influenced by a lot of things I read and heard from other people regarding this subject matter, and particularly by several trips to a trauma treatment program at a psychiatric hospital, and a couple of therapists.

My whole family disowned me for all intents and purposes, except for my mom, my sister, and sometimes my brother, several years ago, but I just wanted to clear this up before I die. I've talked to my dad, and tried to patch things up with him (he doesn't care if I'm dead or alive, and that's not because of this issue, since he doesn't seem to care much if my sister is either and she did nothing to him), and I've told the grandfather that I know he didn't do anything. Suffice it to say they are both alcoholics, but that doesn't mean that those other issues occured, that doesn't mean that I should have believed they did, I'm sorry for the things I said and wrote about it, and I did not make any of it up at all, I actually very much believed that I had real memories, and I only talked about it in the first place because I felt that other children were in danger. I no longer believe any children were in danger, especially not from my dad. My dad was a good father up until I became a teenager and since then he's had very little to do with me. But before that, he was a good father, and I'm sure that he still is a good father to his younger children from his second marriage. He didn't provide any kind of financial support to me when I needed it desperately as an adult, even when I was homeless and very sick, but when I was a child he was around and was a good dad as far as I recall.

And that's all I'm going to say about this.
On the issue of rape, when I have mentioned the issue of rape, it's because I really was raped. As an adult. None of that was imagined, implanted or anything.