for my sisters

To my sisters, Jessica and Brittany:

When you look in the mirror, see the person behind the face. See that she has eyes of wonder and curiousity, and behind those are the brainpower that fuel a world of wonder. Smile. Know that you can make someone's day, brighten up a room, leave a permanent imprint on someone's memory, and intice another smile, with that smile. See those blue eyes. We share them. I have mine, right now. When I'm not able to see you anymore in person, you'll see me in your eyes, in your face. I'm smiling at you now. Think of your sister smiling at you when you look in the mirror, saying, hi there, sunshine, I love ya. And I'll be there, wherever you are, whenever it is. And you'll always have an older sister looking over you.

Remember that you are strong, capable, intelligent, funny, creative, kind, and really cool. Remember that you can have friends, that you can have a college degree, that you can have a job that pays well, that you deserve those. Remember that life isn't always fair, and it's okay to get annoyed at life. Don't worry if you're not happy all the time. If you're unhappy all the time, please do something to make things different for yourself, if you can. It's okay to quit jobs, find new friends, move to new places, take up new hobbies.

Jessica, I know just getting by with money and with the epilepsy is difficult enough for you, and it's not easy, and I wish that I could make life better, and I wish that I had a great recommendation on how to do that, but all I can say is you have done a lot already, and I have faith in you, and I hope that you are able to find the willpower and desire to keep living and keep going.

Brittany, I know we haven't always been around each other since we have different moms and I lived out of state and things weren't always good in our family as far as people getting along, but you have been really special and important to me since you were born. When you were little, I spent lots of time with you and now you've grown up into an impressive young woman and I'm glad that I got to see you a couple of times this year.

Make the most of your time on this planet. When you feel like playing a piano, look for one and try playing it (like we did, that time, at your college, Jess). When you're hungry and you want pizza, have some. When you're lonely, try to find somebody to share it with you. Please never spend too much time alone, it might feel safer or easier but in the long run, it's very detrimental.

Drinking beer doesn't make you an alcoholic, no matter what your mom says, just drinking it all the time, uncontrollably does. Going out to clubs or bars where people drink does not make your immoral, and can actually be fun sometimes. It might also not be fun, but it's okay to try.

Girls don't "ask" to be raped. Rapists are horrible people. I hope you never meet one. Many women, though, live through rape and other things, and they go on and they get over it. The fear of bad things happening should not stop you from having some fun, from talking to the opposite sex. A lot of guys are immature or have little respect for women, but there are plenty who don't fit that category. You deserve a smart, kind, respectful one who treats you well, and who cares about you and who makes you laugh and laughs at your jokes.

It's okay to have fun, Jess. It's actually important to. It's also important to respect yourself and feel safe. But don't hide, if you don't have to.

Television is a really poor substitute for life experiences. It's just a good distraction from life. But that's about all it is. And most people don't look like the people on television. You are acceptable, as you. Please remember that and have the courage to hold your head high and speak with confidence. People want to like you, people will like you, but the people have to get to know you to like you, so if you never speak to them, it's hard to make friends. I know, it's hard to talk sometimes.

Remember that you're loved, that you're an endless spirit, that there are things to believe in and that you can choose what you believe in. You can believe in fairies and goddesses and witches or Buddha or Scientology or God and Jesus, or whatever you please. You can believe in butterflies and the tooth fairy and the brilliance of a certain singer you like or you can be a nihilist and believe in nothing. You can believe in yourself. But you always have that choice, and, remember that you can always feel free to change your mind, too.

You don't have to be anything like your parents or your siblings. Just be you, and you are the only person who can be you. And I care a lot about each of you. Jessica, you know how we've always had our goofy nicknames, sunshine and sister dear......you've always been so important to me, and if I could I'd stay on the planet for you. If we could, I wish we could be closer and get along well enough to live together like roommates, but I know you prefer your independence, and that's okay. I just wanted to write something, something here for you, because I think sisters have a very special bond and it doesn't end when one person moves to another state, or to another city, or when you don't have a phone that works, or when you don't have the time to write or check email, or when you are no longer alive. That bond doesn't end. We still have it. We'll always have it. And we'll be together in our next life, and you'll make fun of me, and we'll laugh. We'll laugh a lot.

I love you and respect you and you're my sunshine for infinity. Keep feeding those geese. Read poetry. Go swimming. Take time to smell roses and pick daisies, or plant some. I'll leave you some seeds. You'll never be alone. I'm very sorry that I'll have to leave you. I don't want to. But please think of your importance and remember that we all have to take care of ourselves.

Feminism and women's history are great tools for life. I hope you look into them on your own whenever you like. It's important to know where we came from.

I hope both get to see a Broadway show; I know you'd like to go there again, and I would too, I've never seen a show. Maybe someday you can do that together.

Here's a poem, from when Brittany was four and memorized it after I read it to her enough times, that Jess might remember too:

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost