So this will be a bit differrent than the average blog. Not that I've done a study on them and not that I actually read very many myself, to be quite honest with you. But I'll first say a bit about me, why this is here, and you can decide for yourself if you have any interest.
If you've ever watched a film such as "A Beautiful Mind' or read a book such as "Girl, Interrupted", some aspects of such psychiatric disturbances, or that is the diagnosis of one or thought that one has such a disturbance are a part of my life and therefore my thinking is not always of the average variety. My life, really, is not a very arverage one for many reasons, partly having been physically disabled by a chronic illness for some time, which limits me to certain extents. For some time it became quite debilitating. This led to long term disability and therefore the poverty that comes from not being able to work a regular job or finish college. Due to many reasons, I know now that I have a limited amount of time left on this planet. What I do with that time is up to me.
I'm a writer at heart, always have been. I have not made a career as such, but have been published on a few websites, in a couple of feminist journals, and in a few dozen old diaries I know longer keep around.
At the present time, I work in a mundane, low-level job for a huge company that you would know the name of if you live in the United States, primarily speaking to people about what they watch on television, for television ratings. This is, to put it mildly, not what I'd like to be doing with my life, however it pays bills.
I have a lot of thoughts that come through my mind which, to the average person, or to a psychiatric doctor who makes money from the fact that he can prescribe anyone who fits very simple criteria as being mentally ill, therefore, unfit for human habitation in an "normal" life, as a psychiatric disorder. And this has, unfortnately, been a majorly destructive factor in the future, the hope, and the dignity which I once had as a human being, because, whether or not a person is actually mentally ill, or whether they are actually physically ill and have been misdiagnosed as mentally ill, or whether their lifestyle when they find themselves in an emergency room at some point with little money makes keeping them in a psychiatric unit very easy to do, or whether or not they have a family member who has an invested interest in having them repeatedly labeled as mentally ill (because this is how she views herself and therefore excuses many of her own life problems as "symptoms"), well I think it is very relative what one considers to be a legitimate mental illness. And I also think, at this point, for the purpose of this blog, I'm not so much concerned about judgements.
This is here mostly because there might be people who relate, there might be people who are interested, and there might be people who find an angle on "psychosis" they've never considered before since they've never heard it described from someone who theoretically has experienced it more than a bit. And at the same time, this is here becuase I'm a human being with many interests. I love CNN and C-span; I was an English major who missed an opportunity to finish school at Smith College due to illness; I've done work online with activists for people with chronic illnesses and disabilities to raise awareness and support for such conditions; I've been very politically active in a lot of activist groups, love music and have a great desire to travel the world much more than I have already been able to before the end of my life. That might not be possible. Leaving a little piece of me behind, well that is possible. Due to reasons I don't need to go into, this past year I lost my journals and poetry and other writing that had been saved all of my life. That was my prized possession; nothing will ever compensate for that kind of loss. Nothing. But this will leave some words for those who have an interest in them.
If you have feedback, please leave it.
0 comments:
Post a Comment