Here is what is going on -
I'm severely weak, and exhausted
I'm in severe abdominal pain that has been ongoing for like two months
I had an endoscopy and a colonoscopy last Friday (today is Wed.), and they took out samples to examine but basically told me I just have internal hemorrhoids which led to blood in the stool, though apparently the doctor is unsure until the labwork comes back
I'm quite sure my endometriosis is flaring up, so tomorrow, I get to go back for a second visit in the past two weeks to the gynecologist for a pelvic ultrasound, which is ever so wonderful since this and the pap smear are costing me $50 which I do not have.
My Lupus or my hypothyroidism have gone insane on me - and I hate to use the word "insane", but I have no idea how else to describe it
Fibromyalgia badly flaring up
I'm cold all the time except when I start feeling burning hot pain
My extremities and my face are numb and tingly (I was diagnosed with Peripheral Neuropathy in one leg in 2006 at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, but it's always affected both legs, both feet, both arms, and both hands, and now it's affecting all of that much worse than usual along with affecting my face which started up a few months ago)
I'm, as usual, incessantly thirsty, and for the first time I started thinking that perhaps I have had diabetes for years because nobody drinks as much fluid as I do. All my family and friends have always made comments like "you need an I.V. of Diet Coke in your arm", or "I've never seen anyone go through 13 glasses of iced tea at dinner", etc. This has been on going for like 20 years. I now only drink water and green iced tea, so it's not a soda thing)
I believe my chronic orthostatic hypotension is back, but nobody takes dysautonomia seriously, and actually most people have never heard of it, so if you have low blood pressure they say "GREAT FOR YOU!" even when you feel like you're about to pass out. I used to take meds for it - Florinef and Midodrine- but went off them after insulting doctors told my Tilt Table test was normal so I didn't have it anymore or whatever - I despise doctors, okay, because they treat people with chronic invisible disabilities like total garbage AND that gets compounded even more when they find out you're on psych meds so they can just dismiss you as a psychosomatic hypochondriac who has nothing wrong with her (and the HER is important, because men rarely get most of the autoimmune conditions like women do, another reason why there's so much discrimination by male doctors - the world is incredibly sexist, despite the feminist movement)
I'm in severe, severe, severe pain in my neck and shoulders and going to the chiropractic intern I see for free twice a week has stopped helping
I'm losing some of my hair whenever I wash it or brush it - more than usual - which is a sign of low thyroid (and I've already been on Synthroid and Cytomel, at very low dosages, for years), and it's also a sign of Lupus (and I'm on Plaquenil for Lupus)
The dryness of my mouth and eyes is worse (from the Sjogren's Syndrome I've had diagnosed since 1999 and is bad), and I already take Pilocarpine for that twice a day and constantly carry water with me.
I have severely dry skin, despite using lotion every day for severely dry skin
I have dry hair, despite using good conditioner every time I wash my hair
I have zero energy
I have lost my appetite most of the time (which I'm not complaining about because everybody on earth thinks I'm a fat pig who needs to lose weight as if I did not already know this, being someone who almost died of anorexia nervosa at age 17)
I'm irritable (can you tell?) and angry and pissed off and I want to freakin' punch a wall down - all of which is very unusual for me and perhaps a hormonal problem
I got my period, then a week and a half later had bleeding again, which is a sign of the endometriosis, which I had surgery for in 2005, being back, but as I was psychotic in 2005 I don't recall what the hell the doctor said about the results of the surgery nor do I really care right now, I just want to feel better.
When I was doing the "prep" for the colonoscopy, blood clots or some kind of round, bright red mass came out twice. and yes, maybe it was just hemorrhoids but it also coincides with feeling like I am dying, so I apologize if you are already thinking I'm just a hypochondriac
I cannot remember anything at all, this has been ongoing for months, maybe longer, I don't really know, I've had cognitive problems forever, it's just that the memory is worse now than usual
What I am getting at is, the autoimmune diseases, of which I have two and possibly more than two, are connected to Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder, and Bipolar Disorder. There are reasons why I know this. #1 I read when I can, #2 I talked to a researcher about it at a NAMI state conference in 2012 and she told me that this is a huge area of research right now and that these conditions typically run in families together, #3 I know a lot of people I've met in person or online who have autoimmune diseases right along with serious mental illnesses #4 The first thing any doctor ever tells you is wrong when you complain of things that sound psychosomatic is "depression", but often IT IS MORE THAN DEPRESSION #5 Autoimmune diseases and mental illness run in my family on both sides of my family
So this is an area where I will do more research and write about more when I'm feeling better. It's an area that people need to talk about more. When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome 20 years ago, I learned instantly that people are always told "it's all in your head", when it is not "all in your head". Unfortunately, for some of us, it IS ALSO IN YOUR BRAIN/HEAD and it is STILL physical and REAL. So imagine how much discrimination you get to deal with by the medical profession when you tell them you're on 15 medications and some of them are psychotropic drugs and some of them are for Fibromyalgia and some of them are for Lupus and for Sjogren's Syndrome, and compound that with being obese because antipsychotic medications caused you to gain 100 pounds in two years - imagine how you get treated. Let me tell you. You get treated like total shit, in no uncertain terms. I am so tired of this, I refused to see a general practitioner and still refuse unless I have something like Bronchitis which these morons think is a serious condition while the stuff that is debilitating is stuff they know nothing about. I only trust my Rheumatologist, as she has been seeing me fore seven or eight years, and she takes me seriously. She knows I'm not a hypochondriac. So I'm glad I'll be seeing her tomorrow.
I'm also glad I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow, because I really need to talk to someone right now.
On top of the above, here is what is going on:
-My downstairs neighbor is a maniacal jackass with a huge criminal record that includes being charged with things like "domestic battery" and "false imprisonment" of someone, along with trafficking in cocaine and GHB. He bangs on my wall every day, while I am walking around in bare feet, and he screams at me, calling me "Thumpety Thump" and screams "STOP BANGING". I learned from a staff member that this guy has been banned from the office at the building because he screamed at the staff one day that he was going to "kick their asses" and he also "terrorized" his former roommate until the guy moved out. Then this jerk got moved below me. And this is what I get to deal with every day, afraid of hearing the banging if I do anything other than breathe. So, fed up, in agony physically, and exasperated at the landlord agency doing nothing about this situation, on Saturday I called the police. I had no other choice. I am afraid of this maniac. The officer told me to keep my door locked. Like I didn't already do that? He said he would go and talk to the guy and tell him to cut it out, and that if the guy ever banged on my door again (like he did once), to not open the door and to "call the police immediately". My adopted NAMI family friends -two of them - came to help me talk to the officer and they asked him if he was familiar with C.I.T. (Crisis Intervention Team Training). It turned out that he was trained in C.I.T. 8 or 9 years ago. So my friend told him "Jennifer teaches C.I.T.", and I think that this made him take me more seriously unlike the idiot on the dispatch line (I did not call 911, I called the "non-emergency" number, and they transferred me to this dispatch woman), who said to me, "Making too much noise is not something the police are going to come out there for just because you can't get along with your neighbor and you think he's noisy." I said, no, this is not an issue of me not getting along with my neighbor, I have lived here for eight years, I get along with everyone, and this is an issue of someone who is an ex convict HARRASSING me and terrorizing me.
So, anyway, the landlord agency has offered me an apartment in another crappy neighborhood which I can't deal with right now because when you feel this sick and you're under this much stress, you do not exactly want to pack up your home and move, particularly to somewhere that you don't even want to live at, just to get away from an asshole.
I feel it is incredibly unfair that this guy is not being asked to move. It's freakin' ridiculous that he still lives in our building.
On top of these things, on Monday, as soon as I got to work, my boss took me aside because I had been out on Friday for the colonoscopy and endoscopy so I had missed the meeting that my coworkers went to. The news from the meeting was just fabulous: we are all losing our jobs in January. The college is closing down its call center and outsourcing it to somewhere that is supposedly better than the one where I have worked for the past six years. So on top of everything else, I am now searching for a new job.
Also, yesterday my grandmother, who is 86 years old was put in the hospital with cardiac problems. She had a quintuple bypass years ago. I am worried about her.
So I'm a little stressed out right now.
I'm sorry this post is so long. I really just needed to vent, and I apologize if you don't like reading a litany of problems like this.